


Not all those who fall are angels

by xmy_stone_cold_heartx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Winchester Sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 14:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmy_stone_cold_heartx/pseuds/xmy_stone_cold_heartx
Summary: Ciara , the third Winchester falls, hard, for Cas with the guilt of being a lone survivor in an accident she created, sometimes the boys would be better off without her. Until her blue-eyed love returns.





	Not all those who fall are angels

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb who’s blood was sure to flow;  
She left it to make up its mind;  
And now it wants to go.  
That was it. She had decided, fingering the newspaper clippings from the past year she had secretly kept in a folder in her rucksack. She was a monster.   
The latest clipping was dated just two days ago:  
Dean was hungry. The four of them had settled into a diner. Ciara was provoked by the rude waiter, the noise, the busyness of the diner. A red light secreting off her. Boom. Dust in the wind. The four of them stood alone in the space that had one belonged to a diner. The moment Team Free Will had smelt sulphur emitting off her; they knew.   
“Stay back!” She had warned, cowering among the ash, shaking from the power that surged through her. The Winchesters had seen nothing like it before. Sam was the brave one, bless him. He was the first to reach out.  
“It’s okay,” he held out his hand for her to take, seeing the fear in her eyes, god knows he had been in the same situation not long ago. When she took his hand he pulled up into her into a hug. After all they had been through together, she was not about to be abandoned now.   
Dean was the sensible one, he and Cas stood well back. He warned Sam to let her go before she erupted again, the younger Winchester could feel Ciara shaking unnaturally and knew Dean was right, “We’ll be right here” he had promised backing away from her.   
To everyone’s surprise she did not explode but instead pass out, but not before she saw Castiel in front of her, the look on his face as she closed her eyes. He knew.   
All those people she killed. Those families who would never see their children, sibling, husbands and wives again, because of her. Because of the darkness inside her.   
The demon in her blood.  
She should’ve know all this time. A tear in her eye forms as she remembered he disgusted look on her beloved Castiel’s face when he smelt the evil on her, she hadn’t seen him since. Oh, how she had fallen for him the moment she’d set teary eyes on him at their first meeting.   
The boys tried godammit, they tried so hard to accept the flaw in her a way no man ever could. Hell, they were raised killing things like her just for justice. Ciara wasn’t about to stop that now.  
Ciara had stumbled into the lives of Team Free Will after her mother unleased her father’s identity. One day, seventeen years ago, Ciara’s mother’s hometown had suffered a fatal outbreak of a vampire nest, thankfully John Winchester was in town.   
After Ciara had watched her mother die, she vowed to find her bastard father who had left her to care for a child all alone. She never found John, but she found all the found all the things that went bump in the night. God, she had never been afraid of the dark even as a child but she’d sure as hell never sleep now.   
Word got out, she finally found the Winchester boys outside Nebraska, in a diner at Dean’s poor attempt to seduce her. The look on his face when she revealed her identity. The look on Sam’s was far better. Neither of them would let Dean play it down. She’d been riding with Team Free Will ever since, she had always burst with pride at adopting the Winchester name. She had finally found her family.  
Until today.   
The boys knew how she cared for the angel. They also recognised Cas’ feelings were not mutual, especially now that he knew. It appears her mother was possessed before falling pregnant with Ciara, who was John’s last child. It seemed God’s soldiers were prejudice against monsters. Sam and Dean thought leaving her to cope on her own was the way forward, but after Sam discovered an unfinished goodbye note in her jacket pocket earlier today whilst hunting, they had raced home, all too aware of her intentions.   
That was an hour ago.  
Behind her, Ciara can hear the frantic pleas from the boys to “just open the door, please!” but she ignores it. She hears Dean try to kick the door in once or twice and she just wants them to stop. Stop caring so much, after what she did. She knows now she is to blame for everything.   
Her phone rings again. She looks over, Dean again. He’s been calling now more than ever. He'll leave another voicemail, detailing what he'd do to her if she didn't pick up.   
Tears stream down her face. Her breathing is so loud it cancels out the rest of the noise in the crappy motel room Sam and Dean picked. God, her chest hurts. There was nothing left for her here. No one wanted her. No one cared. She didn't care. Now, all she had to choose was how to do it.  
Ciara can’t believe it’s come to this, staring at the options in front of her. She can choose her knife, Dean’s gun, or the bottle of sleeping pills. She began to cry so hard now that she can barely see. No, she won’t use Dean’s gun, that’ll kill him, he doesn’t deserve that at the very least.  
Where did it all go wrong? Meeting the Winchesters, she supposed. Or finding out about herself, what she is. Or meeting Cas, yes, Cas was the last straw.   
She holds her head, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t even want to do this, but it’s the only way, the only way to make them all happy. The knife.   
In only her tank top and shorts, Ciara shoved her stuff into the duffel for charity.   
Ciara may as well be comfortable, so she perches on the couch edge.  
“Caira!” Deans Texas gruff nearly causes her to slash her throat from jumping.   
“SHUT UP!” She roars. All is silent.  
“Ciara, what are you doing in there?” Sam’s voice is tight, she can tell he’s about to pour out all over the place too. But she needs to focus. She hasn’t the time for Sam now.   
Closing her eyes, she puts the cool blade onto her wrist, readying herself. Taking a deep breath, she pushes down hard, pulling the blade up to her elbow. Feeling nauseous, (she hates blood) she does the same to the other.  
“Sweetheart, please open the door, please, I’m begging you!”  
The blood pours quickly, pumping hotly down her arms. She yelps. Ciara can feel it running down her legs. She leans her head back and closed her eyes. It hurts, her arms do, but it's okay. She pictures her life without the Winchesters, where the explosion she caused in the café didn’t kill anyone, her mother is aralive back home, and she tells P, her bestfriend every detail about her new adventures at university. Where she didn’t have brothers and her father was faithful.   
“What have you done?” a gruff voice breaks through her reverie. Groggily, she opened an eye and look up at him. It’s starting to feel cold even though it’s May. The end is coming.  
“Do you know what you've done?”  
The man places two hands on her arms. Immediately, the coldness is replaced by burning heat. She cries out, wishing for it to stop. The heat fades away, and Ciara stares up into the blue eyes of the man who just saved her life.  
“Why…Why did you do that?” she whispered tears falling down her cheeks. She didn't deserve to be saved.  
“You can't die, not like that. Dean would kill me if I let that happen to you.” The man makes a face, looking awkward as all hell. It’s Cas, he’s come again. But she must be dreaming, the real Cas doesn’t care. He left her. And now he was back.  
She can’t find the strength to push him back, so she mumbles “then let him, it’s not like you can die anyway, right?”   
Just then Dean finally manages to kick the door in, expecting the worst, both poise their guns. When their eyes land on the scene, Sam had to hold Dean back from tearing Cas’ head off his shoulders.   
“You!”  
"Dean, don't-"  
"I'm gonna kick his ass!" Dean slammed his hand on the table. Sammy held onto him tighter.  
Sam had stood there with his eyes closed and his mouth quaking, he was relieved Cas had got there before it was too late. Dean’s sheer anger was evident- he looked like he was ready to punch the wall. Surprisingly, he pulled himself back together, put on his best soldier face, and walked over to his sister. For Ciara, everything began to move in slow motion, like she was underwater. She couldn’t hear the words of comfort Dean whispered to her as he tried to pull her to her feet, pleading to know what possessed her to do this. Cas watched from the side as Sam slowly brought his hands up to his hair, no longer able to hide the anguish from his face.   
Ciara remained unresponsive to anything, letting the Winchesters pull her off the couch with no protest. Dean settled her in to her bed, sweeping her room clean of knives, guns or any sharp objects, giving her a water in a glass, watching from a chair as she safely drifted off.   
Close, he decided. Way, way too close. He vowed never to cut her off again.  
As soon as he’d softly pulled Ciara’s door to out of earshot, he’d thundered “Where is he? Don’t let him leave, Sammy!”  
“Already ahead of you” Sam said coolly though like his brother he was ready to explode. He’d drawn an Angle Ward, for Cas to stand in so he couldn’t flutter off, not that he wanted to anyway.   
Dean let rip into the sitting room, waving his knife about, grabbing Castiel by the scruff of his neck. “Do you have any idea what you’ve put her through?”   
“Me? How about you boys? Treating her like a creature you hunt” he hissed.  
“you son of a bitch”   
"What's going on in there?" Ciara moans. She gets up weak, she could only just stare at the three, pulling a complete loss of words at the sight of an awkward Cas. “Just let him go, Dean” she hissed looking Cas up and down. “He doesn’t want to be here anyway”

“That’s not true!” Cas said trying to leave the ward but failing.   
“Back to bed” Sam mumbled to Ciara taking her shoulders lightly and steering her into her room away from the havoc that was about to be unleashed.   
“Five minutes, Ciara!” Cas cried “At least allow me to explain, you owe it-“  
Dean stood before him blocking his view of Ciara “She owes nothing” he sneered. 

Ciara pulled from Sammy’s grasp and mumbled something about hearing him out and giving them privacy. Sammy had to practically carry Dean to the motel door to get him to leave. “Five minutes” he warned scratching the ward so Cas could step out, before closing the door. He nodded to Ciara, his eyes darting between the pair of them.  
“Five”  
…  
“I just don’t understand, why” the angel said.  
“You’d be better off, without me”  
“Why would you think any of that was true?" Cas’ voice was soft as she ran a hand through her hair. She shrugged. He clearly didn't want to hear her say 'because it is' so she just shrugged.  
“Why did you leave “ Ciara pushed.   
He was silent for a moment.  
“I cant apologise for feeling something that isn’t there,” the angel lowered his gaze “it wouldn’t be fair on you”  
That was all she needed to hear, Ciara stood from the couch she had just attempted suicide on. “Right. Well, I’m getting some air so-“ . She turned to walk to the door when her hand was grabbed.   
“Wait” his voice grave “I’m not done”.  
It was unexpected and unfathomable but she had been waiting, longing for it since she had set eyes on him. The feeling of his mouth against hers was nothing she had imagined but better. Once pulled apart, she had a million questions on her lips. “I thought you couldn’t-“  
“I can’t feel something that isn’t there” he whispered so her head dropped. He held her chin with his finger. The other hand caressing her soft head of hair. “but I can try”.  
And try he would.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please leave kudos xx


End file.
